Using NLP & Science to Give the Perfect Apology


Is there an NLP technique to give the perfect apology? Yes, and no.

One thing I love about NLP is that you can com can combine it with many different methodologies but also scientific discoveries.

Most of us don’t learn from our parents to give an effective possible.

Step 1: Stepping into the Shoes of the Other Person.

Before offering an apology, float your awareness into the shoes of the person you need to apologize to. And roll a movie where you see yourself misbehaving and experience this behavior from this space.

What do you see, hear and feel f you were to be the other person.

What is it that you learn?

In NLP, we call this the 2nd perceptual position.

Step 2: What is Communication?

What specifically was your verbal and non-verbal behavior?

When we verbally and non-verbally communicate (EB = external behavior), we make someone else feel something (IS internal state); based on this, they communicate back, causing us to have an internal state. Based on this, we verbally and non-verbally communicate back, etc.

So, in essence, the chain is:
IS -> EB -> IS – EB – IS – EB.

Based on this understanding, what is it that you learn?

Step 3: What Does Science Say About an Effective Apology?

Consider what the effective ingredients of an effective apology are?

  1. Acknowledgement: acknowledge you behaved poorly and take responsiblity.

2. Explanation (not an excuse): that you didn’t intend to hurt the other person, nor that you will do it to them again.

3. Remorse: express remorse, think of emotions of shame, regret, embarrassment, etc.

4. Make amends: repair the damage done.

Write down how you are going to give an effective apology.

Step 4: Rehearse the Process

Imagine seeing yourself giving a perfect apology.

This is called the 3rd perpetual position of NLP.

Step 5: Code the Process Inside the Brain

Float your awareness back into your own body, and rehearse the apology one more time.

Imagine what you will see, hear, and feel.

This is association or future pacing in NLP. It is also called the first perceptual position of NLP.


Of course, it is possible to experience the apology in the other person’s shoes for an alternate perspective. The second perceptual position of NLP,.