Is there an NLP technique for women? This morning I worked with a female student and the topic of her husband mansplaining her. The moment the question was asked, I felt the sensation on the inside that I only feel when I fail at something, like a test. NLP techniques for women? How come I never created one? By many, I am regarded as one of the top trainers in the world. In my own thoughts, I don’t like to add the word “female” to it. It causes a knee-jerk reaction, like saying I am a “female entrepreneur”. I am an entrepreneur, period. I am not a successful entrepreneur or NLP trainer because or despite being a woman. I compete and operate in the same category as other humans. Meaning men.
Women & Personal Development Trainers
The world of personal development leaders working with audiences rather (rather than with individual coaching) is fairly male-oriented, and NLP is no different. I have experienced my fair share of male NLP trainers who are completely unaware of the world of females even though they teach in the realm of thoughts, behaviors, and emotions. Pair that with a dash of mansplaining and yes at times downright misogyny and sexism – sometimes at shocking levels. I remember during a seminar with one of the most known names associated with NLP, the most beautiful women in the room were invited on stage to talk dirty to a man as part of a technique. I guess he didn’t get the memo that humiliation has always (yes, always) been the common denominator among teenage mass shooters, according to scientific research.
I also remember a time when I got client after client because a famous personal development leader literally left a path of “me-too” and “times up” destruction everywhere he went among his female employees and the event participants he took home on a nightly basis. Some might say the latter is their choice. But is it? What if conversational hypnosis was used by him for days in a row, and every vulnerable string in their body and soul was pulled? I mean, I have seen the documentary “Wild, Wild, Country” and that guy also got away with it.
A Female NLP Trainer
At the end of the day, I believe being a female NLP trainer has given me an edge, as there are many men and women who prefer to be trained by a woman. And many coaching clients have specifically wanted to work with a female – more often than not because they were violated by men.
I do not feel at all disrespected or treated poorly by male students. I am not saying I never felt misogyny or being mansplained. But the men in my class generally hold me in high regard. I get an enormous amount of respect – not because I am a woman, but because of what I teach and do as a leader and master of my craft.
At the end of the day, the way the men in my life treat me makes up for the nonsense I put up with earlier in my career. And that makes up for other male NLP trainers who feel threatened by me for whatever reason. In reality, I mind my own business and don’t even talk to many people in the industry. I would rather focus on my own company and students, as well as their and my own empowerment.
Why are there no NLP Techniques for Women?
I never really thought about it, but I realized that there are very few NLP techniques specific to helping women.
There are different reasons why there are no NLP techniques specific to women:
– All tools taught inside an NLP Practitioner and NLP Master Practitioner training work on men and women equally.
– Generic and out-of-the-box tools from the world of Neuro-Linguistic Programming are better than all other methodologies or personal development tools out there for many people.
– Inside an NLP training, you can not be too specific in the choice of tools you teach, as they stop applying to your students.
– NLP was predominantly created by men.
– NLP was created in the 70s when female empowerment and equality between men and women were in an entirely different place than they are now.
– Only a very small amount of NLP professionals know how or have the desire to develop new techniques.
– There are very few women among the top experts.
I admit, I never considered creating NLP techniques either for women. And this should change.
NLP Techniques for Female Empowerment
Let’s say I would want to create NLP techniques for women, what should I be thinking of creating?
Here are a few thoughts:
Working in environments outnumbered by men in patriarchal places of work.
Self-respect for being a caregiver.
Navigating motherhood and career.
Dealing with misogyny.
Being in a male-female relationship where your significant other doesn’t view you as an equal.
Dealing with (peri) menopause & PMS symptoms
My First NLP Technique for Women
I figure a great place to start, is a more generic NLP technique for women, that can be used for any presenting problem or situation.
Step 1: Get a sense of your problem.
(You can skip this step if there is no specific problem.)
Watch a movie of yourself having the problem, from a dissociated point of view. Meaning, you see yourself, and watch yourself from a place of non-emotion. Like an observer.
Ask yourself questions like:
What specifically is the problem?
Is there truly a problem, or am I creating a “fantasy” problem?
Who specifically is the problem?
From start to finish, if you had to describe the step-by-step process of your problem, what specifically would the steps be?
What specifically am I feeling?
What specifically is it that I need?
If you would not solve this problem what specifically would happen in your life?
Step 2: What is your desired outcome?
Ask yourself questions like:
What emotion specifically would you like to feel (instead)?
What outcome specifically would you like to have?
What behaviors would you like to have instead in order to achieve this outcome?
Think of 3 female role models you can think of who would know how to achieve this outcome. This can be someone that you know, or don’t know.
Step 3: Learning from 3 models
For each model watch a movie about how they would solve the problem and reach the outcome you would want.
What specifically did you learn from each model?
What do they look like? Sound like? How do they behave?
Step 4: What if…..
Ask yourself the question:
What would happen if you adopted some of their behaviors?
Or other relevant information you learned through watching the movies.
Step 5: Watch yourself
Watch yourself in a movie adopting some of these new behaviors and new ideas.
What did you learn?
Step 6: How would this change your life?
Watch the movie of yourself again, but this time continue to play this movie a day later, a week later, and a year later.
What would happen if this new behavior kept on being used by you all the time? What else would learn or become as a result of it?
How specifically would it change your life?
Step 7: Associate
Watch the movie again, but this time as seen through your own eyes. Associated, meaning you would see what you would see, hear what you would hear, and feel what you would feel.
End the movie when the outcome is reached,
Step 8: Ending the pattern – future pace
When you are at the end of the movie:
Check if you made it a little brighter, the feeling becomes more intense.
What happens if you made it a little louder?
Add music that would make you feel the emotion you need.
For people who know how to anchor themselves, consider anchoring yourself in the final step.
Below I am using affiliate links, I make a small commission at no extra cost to you. I do believe ALL women should read these books.
Untamed – Glennon Doyle (I LOOOOVE this book.)
WOLFPACK: How to Come Together, Unleash Our Power, and Change the Game – Abby Wambach