This article is a transcription of the following video from our YouTube channel:
So why do we learn in NLP how to elicit states? It’s a very simple reason. If you think about communication in its very simplest form, you verbally and nonverbally communicate. So, there are your words that could have one meaning, but what are your body and your tonality saying? And so that verbal and nonverbal behavior ends up making someone who is communicating with you feel something, if that makes sense, and based on the feeling that you give them they end up communicating back to you.
The problem is that most people are not aware that one is making people feel something the moment you open your mouth, use your body, walk in, with your nonverbal expression. most people are not aware of that, and they think “I don’t know why this communication goes this way, and why is it some people when they go into a coffee house and they come back three days later that the person remembers their name? How does that work?”
Well … that’s exactly what we teach people to understand in NLP and how to do that, is that when you walk into a room and you have an expression and you have verbal and nonverbal behavior, to start controlling that situation for yourself. You take responsibility in understanding, well first of all how specifically do I want somebody else to feel. Now of course that could be a positive emotion, that would be smart. What do I want somebody else to feel?
You determine the emotion that they want to feel, and based on that you start engaging with the experience. You inherently elicit the state. You use your tonality, spread of your voice, your nonverbal language, openness, closeness, all that stuff, and you adapt what you’re saying and the questions that you’re asking.
I’ll give you a very simple experience. You could go where you get coffee, you could walk in and smile and have an open body posture and say how are you doing, ask the person behind the counter a question. If it’s not busy, start a conversation. If it is busy, just say “wow it’s busy” and “I notice how hard you’re working.” Everybody likes to be complimented. Everybody wants to be seen, especially in places where people are just working hard and not really seen or appreciated. The fact that you do see them, the fact that you go out of your way to make them feel good by using what you say, what you ask, how you ask it, your verbal and nonverbal expression, how if you change that then I promise you the world will be a different place.