This article is a transcription of the following video from our YouTube channel:
Hi from Sunny Isles Beach, Miami. I was thinking just now about how we sometimes have behaviors that we don’t like about ourselves. Let’s just say that I eat foods that I don’t want to eat and that I can’t help myself in that moment in time, or I respond in a certain way to another person and I don’t like the way that I respond, or I’m lazy a lot, whatever it is. And then we say stuff inside our heads, like we yell at our behavior, or we even yell at ourselves in our minds, call ourselves names that we would never tolerate from other people if they were to say them to us.
I think it’s really important to remember that behind every behavior (and that includes bad behaviors) there is a positive intention. So for instance, if somebody chooses the wrong food in a restaurant, what you maybe really are after is “I think this food is fun” or “I think this food will love me,” or when we respond in a certain way to somebody else, like in irritation or frustration, what it’s really about is that we maybe were trying to protect ourselves or that we’re out of control.
So, to reframe and rephrase that inside your mind as what it is that I’m really after, that it’s a positive thing. That means that you can stop yelling at yourself and actually start finding ways to meet that positive intention that you’re really after in some other way than the inappropriate behavior.