Transcript: How to stop wanting to be right all the time using NLP and positive psychology.
This is for all of you super defensive people out there who always want to be correct. How do you reduce your defensiveness? You’re probably watching this video because it’s not working for you. I’m going to turn this into a three-tip series. So you have all kinds of mini teachings using NLP and coaching.
I’m actually in Los Angeles at the beach, about a block from the training venue, one of our unique NLP training destinations. Other places are Bali and Miami, and Mexico. And there’s the online training, which was taped in Joshua Tree. Not too far from here, actually. A couple hours drive from here.
Anyway, people have been studied as to what our needs are. What do scientists say about some of our needs? We have a super high need to be right. It’s so important to be right that we intentionally choose people around us who will agree with us.
So in, the friends and the family members that we choose to spend more time with, and even the kind of jobs and communities we pick, we prefer people who agree with us. So what happens if we surround ourselves with people we don’t necessarily get to choose? We start clashing. We begin to get defensive because we have such a high need to be right.
One thing to consider is what well-being is for us. Well-being is defined as PERMA. PERMA stands for positive emotions and engagement, like being in the zone, usually felt when you’re in mastery. Positive relationships, a lot is going on in terms of research; people talking about how positive relationships create a happy life and stuff like that—meaning and purpose and serving the greater good outside of ourselves. And there is achievement and accomplishment. So that’s Perma. And I want you to think about a context that reoccurs or a person you regularly want to fight with. About your right and their wrong opinions, your right ideas, and their wrong ideas. Or maybe there’s a specific memory that stands out to you. I want you to consider if you play that scenario in your head, you can even imagine it in a movie, like you are watching a movie of yourself to evaluate.
How is your need to be right actually serving your PERMA, especially when it comes to meaning and purpose to serve the greater good? How important is it really for you to be right? And to reflect on what specifically it means to defend yourself in the way that you do? In the way that you use your voice, your tonality, and the impact of your defense on the relationship with the other person, or their day, their emotions, their PERMA. Are you convincing them?, That’s a whole other thing.
In light of that, consider being able to say once in a while: “I understand that it is important for you to be right. I respectfully disagree with you, but let’s just move on.” Something like that. You can rehearse that answer rather than going into defensiveness. Let all slide off you like a Teflon shield and prepare for it better. It is sometimes easier than thinking about your PERMA at the moment to rehearse it, to train your brain, just to let it go.