How to Stop People Pleasing Using NLP


People Pleasing – This video is taped right outside of our NLP and coach training venue in Los Angeles.

People pleasing. I suffer from it too. A lot of us do. But especially women do. We are actually taught to please people. People pleasing. And even to the point where we’re not aware of it anymore. We’re on autopilot people pleasing. I think the only time that we’re kind of aware of it when we’re walking the street and a grown-ass man that we don’t know tells us to smile. I’m like why? Why would I smile for your ass? I don’t even know who you are. I don’t need to please you by smiling. I can do whatever I want with my face, with my mouth, and with my mood.

Anyway, so people pleasing. Now we’re not going to go for the advanced class here which is when people ask you to do something for them and you then have to say no and set boundaries and stuff like that. What I’m talking about more is catching yourself when you’re on autopilot.

So when you wake up in the morning I want you to think about where in this day typically do you end up people pleasing and you’re going to come up with what it is that you’re going to do instead. Not doing it, walk the other way. I want you to just notice where you’re habitually people-pleasing on your Monday, on your Tuesday, and make a plan to not do it.

Now the reason why I’m telling you to do this is that most of us don’t know what it’s like when we don’t people please. And your eyes will truly open how that is life-changing for you but also how that can be life-changing for other people. Because the amazing thing that happens that when you don’t do something other people often end up stepping in and learning how to do certain things.

I’ll give you an example. I was the designated public speaker in my family. I was always doing it. She’s good at it. She does that for a living. Stuff like that. But then my grandpa died, I was in another country, and somebody else had to do it. Well lo and behold. Before nobody else could do it and when I’m not there someone else can. Great public speaking class for this person, right?

So in any case you will find out how that changes your life, how that also puts other people in the habit, and for other people to discover what it’s like when you don’t do certain things. Right? And you stick to it. You stick to it the entire day, and if you mess up then the project is not over. If you mess up, no no no, then tomorrow is another day.

And then at the end of the day you go over your whole day again, like a movie, and say where was I successful, where was I on autopilot and I forgot, and what is it like. Let’s reflect. You could journal on it. And then tomorrow you do the same thing.

And you know, what would happen if you did this for 30 days and you started to learn what happens when you stop people pleasing. And I promise you… I’m currently watching the sun almost set here, so I’m going to shut off… what would happen if you could enjoy life a little bit more… but I promise you when you stop people pleasing the sun will still set and the sun will still come up tomorrow.

Hi from Venice Beach. I’m heading into the training and I will talk to you soon. Bye.