Forgiving a Parent Using NLP


Is there a way to use NLP to forgive a parent? Yes, there are many patterns taught inside an NLP training that can allow you to move away from negative emotions around parents, even re-coding significant events. That’s not even factoring that NLP can give profound perception shifts and teach a person how to shift from a negative state to a positive one.

During the last NLP Training in Amsterdam, my students designed a multi-generational pattern. This post was inspired by my students of the NLP Training Amsterdam October 2021.

Over the years, I have discovered that the way my students and my clients learn to forgive their parents over time seems to be tied to a process. Young people tend to think in black and whites. And the older we get, the more that there are shades of grey. We start to see our parents for what they are, adults like us. Who also need to figure out parenting and to heal themselves from their own childhoods. Much like we do.

I notice that people in their late 30s and 40s find the key to forgiving their parents in an understanding that they would be their parents if they had their parent’s life.

I frequently joke towards my students that in 10 years, their children will be attending NLP training too,

I don’t recommend this pattern for trauma in the way that it is explained below. We need to be realistic here; this is a blog post and not a therapy session. And many of you still need a coach. If you are interested in hiring one, I would be more than happy to recommend a former student of mine. Just contact our back office.

An important thing to understand about human beings is that we are learners. We walk through our day learning (new) information and processing it. This is a learning pattern.

NLP Technique to Forgive a Parent

  1. Find a quiet place, and take out at least 30 minutes of uninterrupted time.

Answer the following questions for yourself:
– What specifically do you know about your grandfather? (On the side of the parent, you need to forgive.)

What specifically do you know about your grandmother?

2. What is it that you know about the moment in time before your parent was 7 years of age where most learning is done? The country where they lived, socio-economic background, race, religion, war, etc.

3. Close your eyes and step into a relaxed state, preferably one where you can connect to a space of compassion, empathy, love, understanding, peace, etc.

Float your awareness back in time of your own life, and then further back to the moment that your parent was born.

Notice how innocent and perfect your parent was— deserving of love and compassion.
Consider the things your parent had to go through that allowed them to disconnect from being whole, and caused them to be who they were to you in the end.

4. Watch your parent’s life up to the moment you were born.
What specifically was it in your parent’s behavior that was a logical continuation of what broke them?

5. What could be the positive intent of your parent’s behavior towards you?

6. How are your parenting mistakes and mistakes as a person influenced by the life you led? Most specifically, your childhood.

7. What kind of parent or person would you be if you had your parent’s life?
Reflect on your findings.

Please understand that by no means does this mean that the parent you are forgiving is excused. We are all responsible for our own behavior and doing the work to become psychologically whole. Perhaps your parent didn’t do the work. That’s why it is important that you do. To forgive, is not about your parent, it is something you do for yourself. This NLP Technique facilitates the start of being able to forgive a parent and by no means is it about letting anyone off the hook for bad behavior, especially if it is still occurring.