5 Tips to increase your Emotional intelligence has been written by Nini Sanborg, NLP Master Practitioner, and former student of Global NLP Training.
1. Gain self-awareness
To be able to control your emotions you have to be attentive to what kinds of emotions you actually have in different situations. What feelings is predominant In your day, what feelings are repetitive? Do you listen or deny the pull of your emotions?
By using present language to help focus on the present moment you can easier identify what you are feeling. You can say what you are feeling out loud to yourself, our write them down on a paper. Honesty with yourself is key to learn to describe your emotional vocabulary to yourself .
Pay attention if you have certain triggers, certain situations that brings up the same set of feelings, whether they are good or bad. If you felt like you had a choice, would you choose to carry those emotions with you?
When you re-connect with your inner self your life will transform.
2. Pay attention to how you behave
When you are increasing your emotional intelligence it is equally important to pay attention to your behaviour. Your behaviour, especially spontaneous behaviour, reveals what your emotions are telling you, or what emotions you deny. Notice how you act when you experience your range of emotions. Does it impact communication with others, your productivity or over all well being?
A constant or subtle craving for social media while you are working can be a good indicator of emotions not being met for example.
In paying attention to your behaviour you are enhancing your self-awareness and maintaining honesty around your true patterns of emotions.
3. Emotional self-management
Do you speak before you think or think before you speak?
We are all in constant growth and development as human beings. We learn new skill sets, develop new interests, goals and dreams – and social relationships.
In developing your emotional intelligence through tip 1 and 2 you develop your ability to self-regulate as well. As your honesty within yourself increases, your knowledge with your strengths and weaknesses will help you in your interaction with other people.
In your ability to self-regulate you have the opportunity to set limits for other people, say no in situations that you know will drain you . When thinking before you act you have the ability to shift your emotions and impulses, before they take control of you. People are often guided by their emotional intelligence, if this is on a low level, impulse control can seem like a lost cause and give you unwanted results in relationships or situations.
Emotionally intelligent people share their thoughts and feeling as a means to simply let other know where they stand, without playing the role of “victim” or “controller”.
4. Response vs Reaction
There is a difference between response and reaction, and its is the response that is the preferred one when attaining a healthy emotional intelligence.
Reaction is an unconscious process where we experience an emotional trigger. Our re-action is an expression to relieve the emotion ( for example being irritated when someone corrects you when you are telling a story)
Responding is a conscious process that initially is following tip 3 with self-engagement – noticing how you feel, then deciding how you wish to react. ( for example explaining to the person that correcting you at that certain time actually feels like a rejection of the story and my story-telling-ability as a whole)
5. Enhance your Empathy-muscle
One of the core values in having high emotional intelligence is empathy, and it is typical that people with high emotional intelligence indulge in empathy in whatever social relation they may attain. Empathy increases your level of endorphins, and enhances tolerance and others willingness of cooperation. In increasing your empathic skills you get closer to others, defuse or avoid intensive fights or confrontations that isn’t helpful or informative, and your understanding of yourself and the situations around you greatly develops.
A part of the emphatic skills is to eliminate the gossip in your life and others drama. When you increase you choose empathy you get to a fuller understanding and tolerance of the fact that people, as yourself make mistakes all the time. With empathy the need for shaming others for their previous actions will minimize and eventually vanish.