How can you use NLP to improve your communication with extroverts? Especially if you are introverted.
Last week I wrote the article:
10 NLP Tips Communicating with Introverts
It is only fair that this week I will offer you the tips and tricks using NLP with the extroverts.
What characteristics do extroverts have?
- Talk first, then think (open mouth insert foot)
- They think out loud
- They gain energy around other people
- They lose energy when they spend too much time alone, they may even go dark.
- They like to go into a wide number of topics.
- They are gregarious and often like to be in groups.
10 NLP Tips Communicating with Extraverts
Tip 1: Break Rapport
Stop building rapport, and giving them an open door to comfortably keep communicating.
In an NLP training various tools are taught for someone to learn how to build rapport, and in that you are also learning how to break rapport.
Tip 2: Stop matching and mirroring
In addition to the above concept:
1. Change your breathing rate to be different from the person.
2. Stop copying their body language.
Tip 3: Ask them about specifics.
In NLP we use the meta model for this, examples of these questions are:
What would happen if you did/could?
What is stopping you?
According to whom?
This allows them to think out loud, but prevents them to go wider and hop from topic to topic.
Tip 4: Using Psycho-Geography
This is just a fancy way of using pointing and gesturing. If you want to interrupt the extrovert politely, you can face your palms towards them. In essence using your palms or the palm of one hand to create a stop sign. This may even prevent you from having to verbally interrupt them.
Tip 5: Match sharing
Extroverts often feel bad in hindsight when they realize they didn’t give someone else a chance to share. This is usually when an introvert fails to share, and the extravert gets energized by their own sharing. In order to build a relationship, both people must connect in a sharing. So even if you are not naturally inclined to share, please do.
Tip 6: Stepping into extroverted shoes
I think introverts often mislabel extraverts in a negative way — how they are egocentric, talk too much, and change their mind a lot, etc.
If you step into the extroverts shoes you will learn that they think out loud. The pros and cons analysis, for instance, is verbalized. So while it may appear they are all over the place with their opinion, they are actually reasoning and analyzing. Engage them!
Tip 7: Step into their shoes some more
Oftentimes, extroverts get so energized about a conversation that they talk more. This is a good thing — they are experiencing a positive emotion and they like talking to you! This means you are more liked and appreciated.
Tip 8: Future pace
Imagine what you will see, hear, and feel if you do not speak up. Time and again I hear introverts blaming the extroverts for deciding things in a meeting where they never had a chance to offer any input. Introversion is a preference, rather than a handicap. If you don’t like being passed over, speak up before the meeting is over!
Do not confuse extroverts not paying attention to you with problems you have around assertiveness.
Tip 9: Prevent spiral downs and catastrophizing
We all do it, but an extravert does this out loud. They go into a “what if X goes wrong?” Or they start to connect one bad thing to the other in a spiral down. For example:
What if I fail this test?
Then I won’t graduate.
And then I can not get a job.
And then I will go hungry.
And be without a home.
And then I will die alone on the street.
When someone uses their first negative “what if” statement you say:
“Then you will deal with it.”
Tip 10: Pattern Interrupt
You can interrupt the pattern of the extrovert talking, complaining, spiraling down by:
Doing something outrageous.
Create a break, then change the topic.
If you are interested in taking an NLP training combined with personality typing and emotional intelligence, contact the office. We also have a detailed day-by-day course description. Both introverts as well as extroverts are welcome.